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Honey, I confess I stole your heart. [entries|friends|calendar]
And honey, I confess that it was criminal.

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[17 May 2006|08:51pm]
I'm pretty stressed out about all things money related right now. But I realize that there is nothing I can do about it, so it's just ridiculous. More so because I am stressed out about money issues that I will be having like ten years from now.

I think I just realized the other day that I am moving in about 4 months!! To Philadelphia!! And I will be going to school!! And it's really happening. I don't know if you are aware of this, but it's a pretty big deal. I'm so excited and scared and pretty much all things at once.

But other than all this money business, I decided that I totally want a dance party for my birthday! But that's not until July, so there is time to prepare. Don't worry.
1| !!!

[14 May 2006|04:37pm]
I'm pretty sure that my head is going to explode or maybe my nose might just fall off my face. It's hard to say which is more likely at this point.

I'm trying to start talking to my parents more about what is happening in my life. It's going okay, I think. We even talked about things that happened with Kody. It's weird to hear their take on relationships, especially my mom. My dad must have been a pretty amazing dude to her. And my dad starting sharing details from his life with me. That is something I really appreciate. And I can tell that my parents appreciate it too. I've had some major, major problems with my dad in the past so it's so nice to be able to have conversations, to understand, to have him sincerely apologize. And today my mom was telling my dad that she really feels that I was blessed with compassion and understanding which means I rule over my sisters times ten.

So yesterday I was thinking about cars a lot. And someday if I ever have a real job and make real money, I would really like to get into buying older cars and working on them. Maybe you think that is weird. But, I think it would be really cool. My first steps are to learn how to change my oil and my brakes. My dad thought this was a good idea and he was fully supportive. He did tell me to wear gloves so I don't ruin my hands though. And I will also be needing a jumpsuit with my name on it.

I was supposed to spend today with my mom visiting my grandma. I was pretty excited about it because I hear she's doing really well and even talking. Last time I saw her, she was so despondent and her eyes just looked so angry and she was so swollen and just it was awful. But because I'm sick, that's not happening. I don't want to risk it when she's doing so well right now. I did find the perfect card for her though. My mom said it put into words exactly what she has been trying to say about my grandma and her strength and her presence in our family. Cards are serious business to me.

So instead, I will spend today watching my favorite movies and being sick.

[10 May 2006|09:17pm]
Today was a pretty fantastic day. I really like doing things by myself, and today was that kind of day. I spent it doing productive car things and other small errands. And also picking up dudes. By that I mean a guy gave me his phone number and that's never happened to me before. I won't call him ever because I just wouldn't know what to do. If he were smart, he would have asked for mine. I guess my social skills aren't as bad as I think they are. I'm learning how to make conversation with strangers. And I like it.

Today is also my dad's birthday. I bought him a set of cap guns so him and my mom can have shoot outs in the backyard next time they fight. And other various things too. He enjoyed the cap guns part and laughed. That's what I was really after. He had such a terrible day and his good friend of nearly 30 years died today. Some birthday, huh? We had dinner at my sister's house and I really, really enjoyed my family today. I really liked shucking corn and icing cakes and running around with little kids. And before my dad went to bed, he thanked us all for turning such a horrible day into something great. And I feel really glad that I could be a part of that.

I know this will probably get annoying, but I just wake up so excited every morning and just so thankful to be here, to be alive, to be breathing. And I just can't wait to find out what my day will hold. And I am usually never let down.
1| !!!

[10 May 2006|12:33am]
I had such a beautiful, wonderful weekend. Most things that I felt or experienced were too big for words. That sounds kind of lame, because I wasn't anywhere too exciting. It was just the surroundings and the people. I really loved everything about it. I really like pushing myself into situations that I wouldn't normally and making myself act on something or just talk to strangers. I like being pushed. And I think that happens most oftenly with Tif. I'm excited to see what the next year will hold!!

[24 Apr 2006|07:35pm]
Yesterday my Aunt called to tell my mom that my grandma is dying. My mom said as soon as she heard that, her heart plunged into her stomach. My mom didn't tell me what was going on yesterday because she wanted to find out how things were for herself. So I didn't find out until last night. My dad told me that they expect her kidneys to fail which usually results in heart failure. Why are her kidneys so damaged? Because of all the medication they have been giving her. So just try to explain to me why no doctor felt the need to tell anyone that this was going on. And explain to me why I am losing my only grandparent ever because she broke her leg 4 months ago. I'm really confused about this whole situation because basically the doctors are talking about preparing for her to die and they said they couldn't do anything else for her. But then they said that they could do more for her. And I really just don't know how to feel or what to expect. And I really hate all of this. Because it's just too soon. And I can't begin to tell you how losing her is going to shatter my entire family.
1| !!!

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